Here it is.

My life.

My pain now lays before your feet.

Listen to these words and do with them what you will,

though I ask you to curse judgment's fist

and open your mind to my greatest fears.

For this world has beaten me down,

and I've shed more than my share of tears.

So with that in mind,

I greet you into a reality of nothingness and bitter dark, and welcome you to my home of escape, my refuge
Argyle Park

You don’t tell people you’re not okay because it’s hard watching them not know what to do. Then you end up comforting them, even though the one who needed comforting was you.

"Have we not all felt a lasting bond with someone we have known only minutes, and yet failed - for such is the nature of things - to achieve any intimacy with those we have run into for half an hour or so over a period of years?"

Felt myself slipping away
Into someone who could understand
And be my only friend

Felt myself stripping away
From what I've held to for so long
I've just begun to fail

Words will always fail
So have I and I tried
making any sort of difference
Fighting to accept and in the end I plead
To see you walk away
and you do
and so have I
and it can never be repaired

Only a shallow space where once a heart existed
To feel so much, yet so little
To define my last regrets
is this final wish
that can never be forgiven
not by anyone
Never by myself

And most of all,
is the kind of peace
that I can never hope to see,
the light of any better day

and again,
I have fallen down
beneath the seams
a final time

The only obstacle that exists
is you,
this fate
A paradox it seems...
To punish me the most
is the one
that has shown the most concern
and love

Never mind the definition of that word
I thought I once could understand
But I realize now...
 I haven't got a clue

Daily grind
Nine to five
Nothing seems to change
Time ticks away
Learn to hate
Retaliate, nothing ever solved
Watch your problems multiply
Hope divided slipping by
I run from my humanity
Concealed behind technology
The more things change, 
they stay the same
My stupid cycle

Traitor lacking self control,
enslaved both body and the soul
Heart devoid of love and peace

Where am I going?
Never mind where I have been
Will the cycle just continue
When beginning runs to end?

Born from the dust
A seed of disobedience
Stain of the curse I’ve brought on myself
Damnation of my soul
Black roots of sin planted firmly within the soil of my heart

I am an introvert. That means that when I’m feeling down, chances are that I won’t actually go to you for help. In fact, I won’t go to anyone for help. You’ll have to actually check on me. I don’t feel that I should burden others with my problems but if you come to me, I might just trust you enough to let you help.

Wave your guns in the air and shoot me because I just don't care
I thought I needed help, but f*** it I don't need you
It just eats away
I can't sleep for days
It keeps me awake
Deep in the cave
My biological clock just beats away
While psychological toxins seep in straight
Into my veins, I don't know who to blame
But it's insane, can't even wait to squeeze this blade
Plunge it deep and straight
Into the weakest brain
That screams my name
For the wrong reasons, bleed with shame
I have a strong need and I scream with rage
I'm gone, I'm leaving, I don't need this place
I'm ready to die


Introverts don’t get lonely if they don’t socialize with a lot of people,
but we do get lonely if we don’t have intimate interactions on a regular basis.

Don’t be shocked if one morning you wake up and I don’t.

Inside my lungs is no more air to breathe
I'm in a cave, got no more time to wait
The past left marks and I wish they would leave
I feel responsible for things I haven't done
The time I wasted with bad memories
was half my life and won't come back to me
I'm lost in thought and begging on my knees
that I will soon forget
the things I haven't done
I can't feel alive
until I'm dead inside

Will this darkness ever turn to light?

"Do you ever meet someone and you just think to yourself,
wow, I hope this person never feels sad. They don’t deserve that."

Can't be strong when I'm sad
I've lost enough track
My faith falls beneath the cracks
It's been hard to sleep with voices in my head
It's hard for me to see all the love that's left
No more doors around me, all I see is stairs
I can't believe I fell so deep in my despair

Where have you gone, my friend?
I can't see you and I can't pretend

my tears
They fall
for you
be here
lost and confused

When the joys of living just leave you cold
Frozen from the failing mess you made your own

Black words and cheap goodbyes. I'll burn it all just to light your eyes.

Be careful with your words.
Once they are said,
they can only be forgiven
not forgotten.

You talk behind my back as if I don't hear a word
and after all that I've done for you, yet you still have the nerve...

Do you ever just feel like you’re not the type of person that people fight for to be a part of their lives?

When the lights turn on
When the time is right
and the feeling's gone,
wanting to die tonight...
I'll be in your arms again

I see you in the dark
screaming for help
It kills me to see you in pain
I'm in bad shape myself
but I find it in me to save you from yourself...

Sometimes I love being the strong one
The person for everybody to lean on
The person for everybody to talk to
The person for everybody to rely on
But a lot of the times I hate it
Because then nobody offers me a hand

I'm the type of person that can be so hurt inside but can still look at you and smile.

Do you ever miss someone but never let them know
because you have this feeling that they are doing just fine without you anyways?

Do you ever wonder how many people have loved you and never told you?
Or have told you and never loved you?

"You should not have to rip yourself into pieces to keep others whole."

It’s like I just want to go home and then I realize I am home and it’s the worst feeling in the entire world.

I don't know why
But I swallowed it still
This whole bottle of pills
And it made me so ill
Just when I thought it would kill
I made it out alive and climbed this impossible hill
Tied up to this hospital bed
When I just wanted to be dead
Who the hell taught you respect?
Can't you tell I'm running out of breath?
While I'm laying dead on my desk
You can burn in hell with the rest
But I don't wish that upon you
I never want to harm you
I want to hate you but you know that it's hard to
I'm too f*cking sick to die
Get it right
I am fly
This is why
I will fight
To stay alive

I just sleep my problems away
When I wake up they all remain
Then it hits me hard in the face
It's getting harder every day,
So I walk away with barely any motivation
There's something wrong with this
God-forsaken road that I'm taking.

Sometimes I just wanna buy me a hand pistol.
Running out shooting at randoms like a damn schitzo,
But I'm sitting here with a pad and a pencil.
I'm ripping my own hair out,
Grabbing it up by the fistful
You f**king cowards think that you can scare me now
Scare me how?
Try to kill me,
I can't even kill myself
You better believe me because I already tried
Already died
Got a heart of steel and I'm hard to kill
Ain't gonna stop till I got a deal
When I get that I'ma want a mill
I wont disappear like a Copperfield
So you see me climbing going straight to the top,
I'm lighting up the sky and I ain't gonna stop

I like to be left alone
But when people don't notice I'm absent,
it hurts
and I know it's my own fault
for becoming invisible
for isolating myself
but just once I want someone to notice
to truly notice and care

Would losing me even be a loss?

These voices aren't stopping
They keep me awake at night
They laugh when I look in the mirror,
even harder when I cry
Voices that accompany me everywhere
Cruel words lurk when it speaks
It tells me "you're not good enough"
As I walk down the streets,
it forces me to ignore each compliment
"They're lying" is what it adds
After a while I start believing,
and their truth does make me sad
This voice won't stop haunting me,
it won't leave me alone
It's the voices that are inside my head,
that sounds much like my own

Sometimes we need reminders of everything that we are worth



Somebody hand me a lesson
because I'm standing and stressing
when I'm planning my death and
this might be the last minute
that I stand on this planet
Look at me stranded
I'm panicking, man
I can't understand it
My life is a manic depressant
But I manage to stand it
Until I land in hell, I'm withstanding the damage
I gotta calm my nerves and take a deep breath
I will never learn unless I take each step
I'm feeling stronger now

There's no way to fade away
so take away the razor blades
It's not safe to say that making pain will take pain away
There's greater ways to change the page and everybody hates to say it
but you have to tame the rage
and quit saying you're not gonna make it

Oh it's hard
I know that it's hard
You can't trust no one and you're covered in scars
There's knives in our backs
With our friends' names on them
We try to relax
But the pain keeps running
Our mind's off the tracks
But we try to stay on them
You lied in the past
While I remained honest

I'm tired of this crap
Everywhere I go I know they want to fight me
Even though they don't know me, they don't like me
They think that I'm terrified
I just hold my head up high
If they wanna **** with me
Just know that I'ma let them try

There's an energy steadily telling me
that ahead of me I will be defeating all of my enemies
without any weaponry
so there's no point in defending me
I'm intelligently on another level you see
cause I've been chosen
to start a motion
and I am focused
no longer hopeless
no longer broken
I am now a man
with a powerful plan
I wrote down with a pen
so I can shout it again and again

The fires burn and I'm concerned
I'm making sure you hear my every word
I'm not pretentious
I've been selected
To try to give this world a heart
And fix what you have torn apart
I need to be respected
While I cure the infected

I'm gonna reach out
and speak out
to the weak crowd
that needs help
from me now
so you see how
while meanwhile
the world's in distress
I'm holding this mess
it hurts to confess
that I ain't never had a taste of bliss
so I'ma raise my fist
take a risk
and make a wish
I will never bend, break, or twist
and I'm on a mission to escape this great abyss

This is for the ones who wear blood on their faces
and for the ones who were born in broken places
Why do they scream?
Why do they scream?
As far as my naked eye can see
There's not a place that is heavenly
Your freedom is in your heart
Don't let it go

I'm the king
And I need my chair
Until I get it y'all need to be scared
This is just something that I need to declare
The world needs me like people need air
Just look at me screaming at the top of my lungs
it's not even fun
and even if you shot me with guns
you couldn't stop me at once
it can't be possibly done
I can't be killed I'm a prodigal son

When the smoke clears you will really see
That I'll be facing you standing still
and I'll be chanting what I feel is real

So here we go again
You're opening your mouth before you think
Your insincerities
are clinging to me like the stench
of your last drink
Did I really hear you say you're sorry?
Hard for me to believe!
I don't get how you're buying
You're piss broke emotionally
I'm watching, listening... The volume's always the same
Actions speak louder than words do
I don't want to hear dead words from you

So here it comes again
A defeaning parade of duplicity
Birds falling from the sky,
the air is poisoned by the breath
you waste on me
The thought of you's become so
Hard for you to believe?
You never seem to fail to change the stories
you so effortlessly BREED
It's time to play again, deception is your game
But WHY would YOU want to wear that SHAME?
It speaks louder than words...

I'm building an army
You will be sorry
Soon I'll be ready to come back down
Nobody cares what you say
Nobody cares what you've been through

When I am alone I can't see past my own disease
Feeling helpless as I fall on my knees
You can't hurt me if I'm gone
never here
I'll release myself from this
Do you know my secrets?
Do you know my shame?
Deep down inside
It remains

Am I still awake?
All that's left is what I'm sending
Look away
Now I'm ending
Finally going down
Hope you're happy now...

No matter what I say, you can never truly know how I think or feel.
It's not my place to make this right.
I'm not afraid to start a fight.

The people that put up with you on your darkest night are the ones worth spending your brightest days with

Sometimes it feels better not to talk.
At all.
About anything.
To anyone.

Who are you when no one's watching?

Where am I?
What is that noise? What is that DAMN NOISE??
forget everything.
what you were.
ALL is now ours.


we already do...

Sick of this mind and the games it plays
Mental enemies want to push me back again
Here they come running wanting me up on that tree

Whatever words they say
me who said it
Whomever they betray
me who did it
Whenever they're awake it makes me

They don't want you to win,
they'd rather you drown in all of your sins
You get let down by all of your friends,
and all your strength was found from within

I'm the kid with the frozen heart
So run inside your houses
!@#$king duck and hide behind couches
Don't even ****king try to come stop us
we're a gang of savage monsters

Every ****king time you all mocked us
and every ****ing night that it hunts us

It's worse when it hurts inside
when every word that we heard's a lie

I'm ****king losing my mind
trying to save the sheep that are blind
the wolves are coming behind you,
don't let them ****king surprise you

We're coming together
nothing could be better
no matter the weather
we're coming to get you

I've been fighting just to be happy
I've been fighting to be myself

I feel

You’ll likely end up disappointed if you think people will care for you the way you care for them.
Not everybody has your heart.

So many friendships end with "we just stopped talking"

I miss the comfort of being sad

I've felt
so bad
for so long

that when
I'm not feeling bad
I don't feel like I'm feeling anything

at all

Is there anybody out there?

I wanted to write down exactly how I felt.
but somehow the paper stayed empty

and I could not have described it any better

If you leave someone at least tell them why,
because what’s more painful than being abandoned;
is knowing you’re not worth an explanation.

When people ask you how you are, they really don’t expect an honest answer. They just want you to say “I’m fine” and stop talking to you.

Saying someone can't be sad
because someone else may have it worse
is just like saying
someone can't be happy
because someone else has it better

Show me that you care
because I'm tired of guessing
if you do or not.

"Do you ever just crave someone’s presence? Like you would literally be happy just sitting next to them & it could be completely silent."

You should tell people how important they are to you.
Not because they could leave at any moment,
but because they’re here now,
and it’s worth saying something.

One of the best feelings in the world is knowing that your presence and absence both mean something to someone.

You are so brave and quiet, I forget you are suffering

You know when you just generally need someone.
Someone who will listen to all your problems and cheer you up and you do the same for them.
Just someone you would do anything for.
I need that.
But I won't ever get it.

Loneliness is dangerous.
It's addicting.
Once you see how peaceful it is,
you don't want to deal with people.

You wear a mask for so long, you forgot who you were beneath it

ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴘᴀɪɴ ɪs ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅᴀʙʟᴇ, ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ᴍᴇᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ ɪs ᴀᴄᴄᴇᴘᴛᴀʙʟᴇ.

People leave because it's easier to walk away than to fight for what you really want

Inside this fantasy
It seems so real to me
True life behind a wall
Where men and angels fall
A fading memory, when my mind is frozen

This one moment is intensified
And the colors all fade to grey
And all the hateful things I have become
Temporarily go away

I am in the only place that I want to be
Though we know that it ends eventually
But it's alright because right now
we're frozen

I want to forget mistakes they've helped me make
It's better to be broken than to break

I'll take you anywhere you want to go
let's go
Far from anything that feels like home
You are anyone I want to be
it's here and now
and now it's only you and me

How long will I be here without you near because I'm so cold
Break them first or I'll get broken is not what I was told,
now I'm so cold
i'm so cold
so cold

I wish I could tell someone everything

Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why you are sad

One of the risks of being quiet is that the other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation:
You're bored.
You're depressed.
You're shy.
You're stuck up.
You're judgmental.
When others can't read us,
they write their own story;
not always one we choose
or that's true to who we are.

How could I be so dumb?
I wanted to believe someone...
i shouldn't have
Made the mistake
of opening my mouth
I thought that you'd understand but I guess that thinking doesn't count
Act all concerned, well SUCKS for me, man
Can't wait to see where you will be when it finally hits the fan
and get out of my way
Don't bother patronizing me 'cuz you've got nothing to say
I've taken what you've told me, I was ready to apply
"Liars can't be trusted," man,
(don't kill yourself)

I'll go where there are no slaves, tyrants or hangmen
Where faith does not kill and where God alone doth reign.
Give thanks that now I rest from the wearisome day;
Farewell, sweet stranger, my friend, who brightened my way;
Farewell to all I love;
to die is to rest.

"People aren’t always going to be there for you, that’s why you learn to handle things on your own."

Have you ever been so consumed with sorrow and hopelessness and so stressed that you just want to stop?
You want to break down but you can’t?
You don’t want tomorrow or the next day or the day after that? There’s very little to look forward to?
You can’t see that special person for who knows how long?
You just exist but you want to stop?
You try to imagine a time when you didn’t or won’t feel like this and you can’t?
You have school tomorrow but there’s no one there that you can talk to?

Sometimes people do actually feel that way
Sometimes your life feels like it's caving in on you
Sometimes people really do feel like they don't want to exist
like they just want to curl up in a ball,
and go into that place between life and death
Saying "I don't want to exist" isn't saying "I want to go die"
It's saying "I wish that for the time being,
I could go somewhere and not have to feel"
I don't think there's anything wrong with that
If you don't know how it feels to feel this way
then you have no place to judge anyone who does

When you care for someone more than they deserve
you get hurt more than you deserve


It's the dark of night
and I'm at the end of the line
Alone in my head
and waiting for something divine
to answer me...
Drowning to silence,
the internal violence, I pray
to make it through
The storm winds are growing
as my dreams are blowing away

Out at the edge, the moonlight reflecting for me
The collapse of the waves
echoing internally...
If I'm living my life,
then why does it feel like my HEART
Failure is calling,
as my dreams are falling APART

It doesn't sneak up on you
It's always been there
Lurking in the shadows
You know it's there
but you can't fight it
When the moment is right,
it swallows you whole,
and everything you ever loved gets swallowed too
You learn to want the sadness, to crave it
It is the only feeling you have left
The only proof that you are alive
They don't understand
They don't care
So why tell them?
Sometimes you feel perfect
like the world is finally back to how it is meant to be
But then something small changes that
A comment,
a picture,
a thought
and it all comes spiraling in again
And the blackness is now your enemy as you try to come up for air
As you try to hold on to that small glimmer of hope you once had
But it is not a glimmer of hope anymore
It never was
Your mind was just tricking you
and now you're drowning
Now you're just an empty shell

It sucks
when everything's doing fine
then it all crashes again
And the worst part is
I really don't want to try
and put it all back together again
but I have to

I've made a choice
that I regret
A painful picture that
I can't forget
Now what I see,
is what I get

to what I can't reclaim
I'll never be the same

It's too late to look back.
I've got no way to switch back.

It's too late to look back

We are thrown away,
in the house you made
of every stolen moment

Don't pretend,
I know how this ends,
and who you are in secret

All our hopes
are fast asleep,
Spill the wrist
of what you'll never be

Something's wrong inside,
We are feeding flies
with pieces of ambition

Prison skin,
Keeps us safety pinned
i'll whisper your incision

Hostile strum and icepick tongue,
Shelter here from everyone

And I'll never say that everything's alright,
That when we're gone we'll sleep with satellites,
We're killing more than the loneliness behind the eyes,
Sometimes the best you can do is just survive

...just survive.

Libra: Consistently seeking peace and acceptance. They give themselves endlessly trying to make others happy and in the end are left asking who they really are. Because of this, they lack self-confidence and desperately try to complete themselves through the approval of others. They're always tired from trying to prove themselves but just can't will themselves to stop.


I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. My mind is a mess.

Do you think it possible some people are born to give more love than they will ever get back in return?

I'm not clear
how it is
that I ended up here
then let me help you clear your clouded memory
because nobody in the world could know you better than me
don't get all sentimental using up your prime
this pile of sh*t you're shovelin' is gettin' hard to climb
With my hands on my mind
I hold wounds that won't mend
well, just stop tryin' to be something that you're not
you'll never shake me
never break me
and never overtake me
With my eyes open wide
I can see it's the end
is not a word I understand AT ALL
I set myself up for the fall
Withdrawing deep into the hole
leaves me cold and faded

Control my tiniest motions
Withhold my simplest needs
I wish you weren't this close now
I wish you didn't succeed
Yeah, so what - it's another day
You're gonna take it from me anyway
I can't seem to remember now
what it was like to live life before you, symbiont
I want to go but I have to stay
It doesn't matter if I leave because you'd be there anyway
I need you and you need me
Cause you HATE ME
but you NEED ME

Their shadows are tearing me
into tiny pieces
I don't know where I am
I just remember frustration
My conscience is telling me
that I have to move on
I don't know where to go
I need to unlearn my weakness
Why does a second
seem so long
This can't be a dream because
this pain feels real
and time can't heal

When everyone's gone
I will be left behind
but that's okay
that's what I had in mind
I know where you've been
I know what you have done
I don't need you
and I won't ever need anyone
Our unity was meant to be destroyed
You tried to kill what made me what I am
Do not ever try to be a part of me
I'm a broken soul which is waiting to be free
I've become a loner
No one can ever hurt me again
when there's none you can trust
you're gonna have to be your only friend
I'm a loner
I don't need you
I won't ever need anyone
I'm a loner
I'm alone here
Since everyone is gone I am alone
but maybe that's better because I can't hurt anyone
I have blurry memories of the times we had
we dreamt of eternity but I've become a loner instead.

Mᴀʏʙᴇ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ,
Mᴀʏʙᴇ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ.
Mᴀʏʙᴇ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ғɪɢʜᴛ,
Mᴀʏʙᴇ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴜᴘ.
Mᴀʏʙᴇ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʀʏ,
Mᴀʏʙᴇ I sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴏᴛ.
Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄʀᴏss ᴍʏ ᴍɪɴᴅ,
Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪʀʀɪᴛᴀᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʀᴀɪɴ.
Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴅʀɪᴠᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ɪɴsᴀɴᴇ,
Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʀᴀɪɴ ᴀᴡᴀʏ.
Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ,
Tʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇʟᴘ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀᴠᴏɪᴅ.
Pʀᴏʟᴏɴɢɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛᴜᴀʟ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ,
Pʀᴏʟᴏɴɢɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴠᴇɴᴛᴜᴀʟ ʟɪғᴇ.
Sɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴅʟʏ ʙʏ,
Sɪᴛᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴅʟʏ ᴀᴡᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴅ.

Fᴇᴇʟ sᴏ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ,
Lᴏsᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴏɪᴅ,
Dʀɪᴠᴇɴ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴀɪɴ,
Isᴏʟᴀᴛᴇᴅ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴄɪᴠɪʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴ,
Lᴇғᴛ ᴛᴏ ʀᴏᴛ,
Lᴇғᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪᴇ.
Lɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʟᴇғᴛ,
Iɢɴᴏʀᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴍᴀɴʏ,
Sᴀᴅᴅᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴘᴀᴄᴇ,
Cʀᴜsʜɪɴɢ ʙʟᴏᴡs ʟᴇғᴛ ᴛᴏ sɪᴛ,
Nᴏ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʟᴇғᴛ,
Nᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴄᴀɴ ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴ,
Nᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴄᴀɴ ʟᴀsᴛ.
Hᴏᴘᴇ ɪs ɢᴏɴᴇ,
Aʟʟ ʙᴜᴛ ᴅᴀʀᴋɴᴇss ɪs ɢᴏɴᴇ

Isn't it sad
when you feel alone
but you're surrounded by
people who care about you
but they can't help you
no one can help you
only you can help yourself
to try and get rid of
the sadness you harbor inside
You think it goes away
but every now and again
it comes knocking at your door
throwing you in a pool of your own
worries and thoughts and anxieties
and that's when you feel like you're drowning
I don't know if it's depression
or a long winded sadness
Whatever it is
it hits like a bus
and all I want to do
is sit in a room
and pity myself
It's not a way to live
but for now
it's reality

You’re sad and I want to lighten the mood but I don’t want to accidentally disrespect your feelings
You’re sad but I’m a lousy person and I never know what to say to cheer you up at times like this I am so sorry
You’re happy now but I still feel bad for not helping you through bad spots
You aren't boring I just suck at conversations I’m sorry
I’m not ignoring you I just don’t know what to say
I feel like I have nothing interesting to say so I don’t say anything at all and I’m really sorry don’t stop talking to me

What the hell is wrong with me?
Don't fit in with anybody
How could this happen to me?
and every night is the worst night ever
I’m just a kid, and life is a nightmare
I’m just a kid, I know that it’s not fair
’cause I’m alone and the world is
having more fun than me

I want to be happy
but something inside me screams that I don't deserve it

I hate getting emotional because it means that I actually have feelings to hide

You'll get bored of me
You'll get annoyed at me
You'll hate me
You'll stop talking to me
You'll leave me
just like everybody else

I don't think they realize
how sleepless nights
can affect you
or how overthinking slowly
kills you
I don't think they know
how it can turn your mind
into thoughts you wish
weren't yours

I wish I didn't care about anything but instead I care too much about everything

Why is it so hard for us to talk about our true feelings?
Are we too scared and afraid of the truth we already know?
I wish we both could be a little more brave.

I have noticed that when all the lights are on, people tend to talk about what they are doing – their outer lives.
Sitting round in candlelight or firelight, people start to talk about how they are feeling – their inner lives.
They speak subjectively, they argue less, there are longer pauses. To sit alone without any electric light is curiously creative.
I have my best ideas at dawn or at nightfall, but not if I switch on the lights – then I start thinking about projects, deadlines, demands, and the shadows and shapes of the house become objects, not suggestions, things that need to done, not a background to thought.

I care.
I always care.
This is my problem.

The truth is, I'm one of the those few people who actually cares when I ask "What's wrong?". The only problem is I usually have no idea what to say afterwards or how to make it better. I try not to use phrases like "That sucks" or "I'm sorry", but I still can never find the right words to say. But I promise, I'll always listen. I guess that's all I can do...

How am I supposed to get rid of all the people who make me sad
when they are all I have?

I don't tell people things
because I know it will hurt them
and I don't want to put them through that
so I try to figure it out on my own
and when I do that
I always end up hurt more
but I didn't hurt you
and that's what's more important
that even though I was shattered
you didn't have to worry about
being cut on my broken pieces

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that

I know what it feels like, and it sucks, it really does, when you are up in the middle of the night thinking about the things that you've suddenly became aware of. The things you’re missing out on right now, and all the people who are not close to you anymore, and all of the good times that will never happen again, and all the people who have meant the world to you who have forgotten about you forever, and you get this awful feeling that’s kind of like a mix between loneliness and nostalgia.

What I say: I'm bored
What I mean: None of my usual hobbies are stimulating enough for me anymore because I am dead inside and I am desperately craving human interaction in a vain attempt to keep myself from slipping into the abyss of insanity

Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving.
There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.

The best kinds of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people that love you, simply for being you. The once in a lifetime kind of people.

I live two lives in one
I hate liars yet I am one
I say I'm fine while deep down I'm stuck on page one
I want to be happy yet I can't be
I believe in better yet wander towards the worst
My brain tells me one thing while my heart feels another
I tear myself apart without the help of others
Living two lives takes twice the work
how much longer can i face the challenge?

You know, I think one of the worst feelings is finding out that you didn't mean as much to someone as you thought you did, and you just feel stupid, and because you looked desperate, about caring too much.

I have nothing now but praise for my life. I'm not unhappy. I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can't stop them. They leave me and I love them more... What I dread is the isolation. There are so many beautiful things in the world which I will have to leave when I die, but I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready.

It scares me that one day I won’t remember this day, this night, this moment.
It scares me that one day, I’ll forget what it feels like to be this young, this full of potential.
I’m wrapped up in a million things, and I feel like I’m letting time pass by, letting moments blur together
and not grasping all that I can before everything changes

What can I say, I'm a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff which despite the light of progress and all that, still vanishes every day like shadows at noon, goings unheralded, passings unmourned, well, you get the drift.
They remind me of me.

(Guess who this is for)
So love is a border town abortion
Eliminate everything I thought that I knew
I'm blindsided by your genocide decision
i'm just a bit jilted and giving the devil her due


You deserve every bit of what you're getting
I'm burning the bridge but you started the flame
If you think that this is all a bit excessive
the empathy and integrity match what you gave





you only loved yourself...




With nothing useful to say and no one to listen to it
Filling the deep with the pain, I slowly sink into it
Consider questionable things to try to get me through it
I've tried to push it away but I always give into it
Long for the taste of the rain that finally helps subdue it
And washes this all away

We're losing light

And strength of will
The darkened depths beckoning still
Then we hold on against the tide

We're slowly losing ground
And hope is harder to maintain
We know the prayers we prayed
Feel lost like tears in the rain
The water is pulling down
The moon's eclipsing the sun
The ending that we knew would come
Has finally begun

Hole in your face with pointless noise spilling out
Think about what you say before you open your ******* mouth
Everywhere we look
And everything we hear
You can only imagine how good we'll feel when you finally disappear

It's so sad...
When I picture your face...
Gone before you knew your place
Your dreams - Let them go,
Let them go
With your pleas of desperation
NO ONE wants to HEAR

You're dreaming
Outside life's great - but inside you're screaming
It's not how you thought it'd be?

Are you hoping for something?
Waiting for some sign?
It's time to jump in or simply get the hell out
I think you better make up your mind

You're screaming
Bam! The smack of the truth wakes you from your dreaming
So inconveniently

It sucks that this was all for nothing
Your plans were redesigned
It's a shame you didn't stand for something
Now it's too late to make up your mind

You're life's been overrated
Hopelessly complicated
It's a shame how long you've waited
Constantly constipated

I'm my one and only friend
I am my worst enemy
I find new methods to pretend
that this is not reality
Don't be lonely
now i'm your only
just stay far away from me

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